mommy's got her game on

and it's a good thing too, cuz i sure as hell don't. today she took my brother and i to start IRA's for the both of us. if you're like me, you have not a clue what an IRA is. i just knew it had something to do with money, cuz i was supposed to meet her at the bank. well, turns out it stands for Individual Retirement Account. uh-huh. my first thought was - i haven't even started working...i haven't even started to think about working, but you're already considering my retirement? mommy's got her game on. and cuz of her, my 16 yr old bro is one of the few with an IRA. now, though, i'm convinced it's a fantastic idea. by the time i'm ready to retire, in about 50 years, i will be a granny with style, damnit. i will wear a red hat with a purple dress, i will own my own sailboat to sail around the world in, and i will go sky-diving every week. that's what the money's for.
so right now i am thinking i should be calculating. i should figure out which account to put money in, how much i will be making, etc.
i'm also thinking that if i had any interest in money whatsoever, i would be doing the aforementioned. it would be the intelligent, practical, savvy thing to do, but...well, i just haven't gotten around to it. i once had a notion that i wanted to become an investor. i would make all the money i would ever need by the age of 25 and then just travel and paint the rest of my life. that notion was more short-lived than the rest of my notions. i just don't care enough about money. how does one sit around and count money all day? eegh. to me, it's analogous to a game of monopoly minus the colorful board and fun game pieces. and much more complicated rules; a game that i have niether the time nor the patience for. i play games, but only those of the board variety. my longest-lived notion is that i will just go to africa and hunt wildebeast. screw the government, screw taxes, screw society, screw games, screw it all.
that notion is still alive.

BUT lest we get away from the point of this entry, i shall repeat :

mommy's got her game on. and i don't.

(monetary game, that is. and i'm not so sure i want to)

happy chrismahanukwanzakah! and happy winter solstice!

Check this out. It's all about HINDU SANTA! haha. and the Jews.

"it's a good thing we don't live in rural china, cuz if we did, we'd never get you married off. nobody would want you"
-my mommy, complaining about my complete lack of cooking skills. yes, it's true, i may not be able to cook, but i make up for it in with my ninja skills. don't worry.

and for chrismahanukwanzakah, i give you all the gift of the Invisible Pink Unicorn (IPU). I've become a believer. the IPU derives its power from the fact that it is both pink and invisible.
i love it :) also, Flying Spaghetti Mosterism comes in a close second in my list of favorite parody religions. become a pastafarian! ramen.

oh man. whoever put this site together has too much time on their hands, but it's hilarious, mainly the pics. Noodleus Doubleus

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.
http://www.venganza.org/

oh yeah. my favorite chuck norris facts:
1. chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
2. chuck norris doesn't read books, he just stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
3. superman has chuck norris pajamas.
4. chuck norris counted to infinity - twice
5. chuck norris is not hung like a horse - horses are hung like chuck norris.

http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty

how many racial/cultural issues/slurs can you cram into one sentence?

let's try.
On Christmas Eve, this chink and her faggot friend will be attending a Jew-bulee at the Kitty Kat Klub, which I'm convinced is a covert KKK operation.

i don't know. so don't ask. but there you have my xmas eve plans.
also, the faggot today asked a fabulous question:
"what do chinks do on christmas?....what do your people do?"

i realized today that i should be a rapper. dude i can totally free-style. check out the rhyme i came up w/improv today at work, to the sound of a co-worker beat-boxing, nonetheless:

yo yo, this is wynee, yo
i'm in a kimono
and that's a no no
i work at kikugawa
where the pay is so-so
but this joint is hot like lava
or a cup of java
no kurochans,
only yoko-sans
the fish is so fresh it's jumpin'
and the sake will make you wanna get to humpin'

...and this is where i stop before i embarass myself further and customers start throwing fish at me.

now all i need is a really cool moniker. w-lo? double u-loo? wyn-dawg? no.
my name is just not conducive to catchy monikers. damn.

you know there's a problem when you call mcdonald's real food

yeah, i just did that. and i have not had a bowel movement in days and days. but then again...see previous posts.

at the risk of sounding emotey, i would just like to say i LOVE art, i love music, (esp live), and i love any form of human creativity. ahhh....gives me the tingles. the warm fuzzies, if you will.


when gentry plays guitar...
when he lets down his long brown hair
i wish he belonged to me
but he don't, he belongs to the song and the melody

i have not seen sunlight in days, i have not eaten real food in days, and i have not had real, sustained human contact in days. i have been living in moos tower, computer lab. all day i sit in this room below ground with humming computers and waste away, only emerging to either pee or buy edibles from vending machines. note: poo was not on the list of reasons to emerge, as i have been consuming only what comes out of machines. this is not conducive to poo. end note. i derive my entertainment from people trying to enter the computer lab and not succeeding (it's technically closed, but i got in. no, i'm not telling). my eyes are bloodshot. i have not bathed in days, and my hair is a rat's nest (although that's nothing unusual, let's pretend it is, it'll make it all the more dramatic).

just because i'm curious, and i'm sure you all are too, let's find out...
monies inserted into vending machine slot:
lays baked chips: $0.75
starburst fruit candy: $0.80
chocolate chocolate chip muffin: $1.00
frozen microwave macaroni: $1.75
starburst fruit candy: $0.80
kit kat bar, extra crispy: $0.80
coffee, extra strong: $0.40
total monies sucked up by machines: $6.30
total time writing that up: 1.5 minutes. total time till next exam: 20 hours. total time needed till next exam: 40 hours. shit.

note: the use of the word "monies". that means i have more than one money. :)

let's see...how else can i avoid studying? ah, i know. i will compile a list of things to do in order to survive in case you are stuck in the basement of a classroom building. whether it be from natural disaster or masochism, here are ways to be resourceful:
1. if you are in need of eating utensils because there are none by the microwave and microwaveable meal-vending machine, use coffee stirrers as chopsticks. they're a little flimsy, but functional. better than fingers at least.
2. the coffee place leaves out their coffee stirrers and sugar packets even when they're closed because they think nobody will take them. muahaha. sugar packets. eat them. they will provide food for your brain, which you might need at some point. they are also good for sweetening tea and coffee, should you have any.
3. if you run out of money for the vending machines, either tilt and shake them, or see #2.
4. if you are perishing not from lack of physical nourishment, but from boredom, check out the newspapers. many classroom buildings offer a variety.
5. newspapers and paper towels from the bathroom also provide ways to stay warm. stuff them in your clothes.
6. if you tire of machine-grub and feel like you need some fresh food or a bowel movement, the plant down the hall from the bathroom might be an option.
7. running up and down the wrong way on the escalators is very entertaining.

wow. really must stop now. though there are plenty more tips that might be posted later. :)

Staphylococcus aureus and certain coagulase-negative staphylococci produce a viscous extracellular glycoconjugate called slime.

i don't know why i found that so amusing. cuz now that it's up, it's not so much. perhaps because i've been studying so much, and i've been completely lacking in any sort of stimulation outside of this textbook.

it's finals week, and that means i'm:
1. dirty. have not bathed in an obscene amount of time
2. nauseated at the sight or smell of ramen noodles. NO MORE.
3. tired.
4. feeeeling koooooky
5. wasting time by writing this pointless entry

saw a fag movie w the faggot last night - brokeback mountain. the question that arises - whatever possessed a chink director to direct a gay western? regardless, it was good, and i'm glad he did it. typical ang lee though, beautiful scenery, little dialogue. not to mention, jake gyllenhal and heath ledger as gay cowboys? oh my. :) acting was not the best, but...oh my. so, overall: beautiful scenery, cathartic plotline, mediocre acting = decent movie.

shit. still wasting time, am i?

happy winter solstice!

that's right, no more "happy holidays" for me, if i'm going to object to "merry christmas", i might as well be consistent and not say "happy holidays" either, as "holiday" has its origin in "holy day". though i'm sure i'll slip and you'll catch me saying both at some point - they're just things you say.

what i did today curled up in the fetal position between bouts of diarrhea and unconsciousness: stared at organic chemistry mechanisms on my white board while dreaming of myself traipsing through the brazilian amazon. perhaps that's what prompted my body to try to rid itself of all its innards alternately through my oral cavity and anus (the organic chem, that is. i want to go to brazil. like, a lot.). that's my problem right now- too many people telling me what i could do for winter break - go to brazil, go to london, ny, chicago. presents! if one more person tells me "i got your xmas present today, and it's SO COOL"...i'm going to eat my shorts.

too much anticipating! not enough paying attention to what needs to happen now! must study! MISERY!

To ME
From Larry

In your honor, a gift of a llama
has been made, which helps struggling people from around the world become self-reliant for food and income.
May this gift bring you joy as it brings hope to a family in need.

www.heifer.org

Whoo! kind of exciting to have a llama given in my name.
one thing, however, that lessens the coolness a bit is the fancy-pancy card i got. really now, i'd rather have you spend the money on livestock, or whatever it is you guys do over there. i don't need a card that looks like it costed half a heifer to print.
i could totally raise alpacas in the high andes, farm silk worms in china, tend goats in east africa...anything but study in minnesota.
this week = MISEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

ps. their website is interesting, i love the gift catalog. i want to give a family a flock of ducks! props to the company for doing what they're doing. we won't get philosophical and talk about how not cool some of the implications are and if they're really helping people in the long run, because, really - what do i know? not much. though i'm curious, how do they choose which families to give to? and how are these families supposed to support livestock if they're having trouble supporting themselves? and how do they address cultural issues? shit, i shouldn't be thinking about this, i should be thinking about the tricarboxylic acid cycle and how to produce multiple regression models. MISERY.

said to me by a very perceptive (or so it would seem) person: "dude, you should just give up"

perhaps.

i feel ugly
but i know i still turn you on

what i learned this weekend:

1. when it comes to the platitdues game, i always loose.
2. overheard from somewhere and modified by me:after hours of thorough calculating and research, i've determined that the conversion factor that journalists/editors use when deciding what to publish is: 4,983 bombed bangladeshians to 1 snipered american.
3. playing taboo with med students is fun:
clue for goosebumps: erector pili! what does it do?!
for muscle: your gluteus maximus is a...?
for skeleton: we saw these all the time in anatomy lab in our bodies, under the skin, muscle...