no, my lies weren't worth telling
but the truth ain't worth chasing


"can i see your ovaries? mine are too convoluted"
-me in lab during a fetal pig dissection

sitting on a bus can be quite conducive to meditation. some people would just call it "spacing out", but i'd like to think that the bouncing, the vibrating would lead one to some sort of meditative state in which the oscillations of one's atoms would resonate harmoniously with those of the universe. or something. :) (yeah, i know i've got to stop the "or something"s, but it's still funny to me (:)
anyway, after i was jostled out of pseudo-meditation on the bus today, i noticed this sign:
Warning From the Attorney General:
Crossing the street illegally may be hazardous to your health.

crikey.who writes this shit? not the attorney general, i hope. smoking may be hazardous to my health, as well as consuming alcohol, exposing myself to trichloroethylene, or jumping off a bridge. but crossing the street illegally?

"New York City police officials said today that an increase in subway crime this year is driven almost entirely by a dramatic rise in robberies and thefts of cell phones and iPods, two totems of modern urban life." Note to iPod Riders: Watch out for those iPods
oh no. i totally tote two totems of modern urban life. anybody want to buy an iPod off me? i think i'll hang on to the cell a little bit longer... :)

oooh his bike's got some nice suspension
an' oi loikes me some noice suspension, mmm hmmmm.
esp after today's bike ride, and more Epic Bike Rides to come. oi.
sore, but it's a good sore. it's an I've Accomplished Something sore.
i love when the weather can't make up it's mind. it's snowing on this block. a block over, it's all sun and blue skies. i love it. :)

i must stop this "jack of all trades, master of none" business, it's getting me nowhere. i will master something one of these days!

oh yeah, jen - weekly fast food hopping is a must! that is, until either my stomach becomes an impediment to the walking involved, or my wallet (or lack thereof) ceases to cooperate.

what fun is a sugar free, low cholesterol, sodium free, trans-fat free, low carb life?

but then again, too much glucose gives me a tummy ache. but methinks it's only cuz i ate it all first thing in the morning with a popsicle, an ice cream sandwich and hot chocolate. how's that for nutritional value? :) ugghhhh.

it's going to be a rough summer. taking the mcat in august, so expect me to be some kind of hermit the WHOLE DAMN SUMMER. so much for my vision of a glucose/cholestorol-saturated existence. that's ok though, because wynee's all about mind over matter. :/ just one summer and then i can play all i want afterwards, all the fat/sodium/cholestorol in the world will be mine. right.

been feeling completely unoriginal lately. still waitin on that epiphany. i wonder if all these people around me feel unoriginal too.
oh yeah, i'm tired of seeing love handles and bellies oozing out of jeans and tees. (afterthought - mine included! :)).

maybe i need to stop waiting and start doing. contradictory i am; confused is my life. but that's the way i like it.

uh...about that giant phallic o chem exam?
not enough lube. ouch.

i've come to the conclusion that i like living with a person that defies all social norms. it's immensely refreshing to hear things unfiltered by society's sieve. granted, it doesn't make for a most comfortable physical existence, but that's what defying norms is all about. or something.

going through a really bad case of wanderlust. yes, it is pathological in nature. every year, wynee has several bouts. it goes into recession but never fully leaves the body, and hits the hardest during the spring and winter seasons. well, and summer and fall too. for the rest, refer to wynee's entry during her last bout of wanderlust. i believe it was 2/17/05.

i really want a ball python. i've no idea why having a snake as a pet appeals to me so much. they seem to be more cuddly than the cuddliest of animals, oddly enough. maybe i just need something to pour all this love into, as i've stopped being productive.

wynee sucks at life because:
a. she's lost her skills. ninja skills, painting skills, people skills, piano skills, athletic skills
b. she fixed her bike but it broke again. no fixing skills.
c. she's a teenage cliche. no original skills.
d. she's pretty much useless. no useful skills.
e. she's not going to get into med school at this rate. no academic skills.
f. she is referring to herself in the third person

wynee does not suck that much at life because:
a. she did not have to read the 400+ pgs required for her poli sci exam and still got a 93 on it.
b. uh...that's pretty much it. :)

i smell like Preserved Biological Specimens

so maybe i was wrong. yin and yang is not entirely black and white, it's a balance of black and white. and that means there's grey. lots of it.







suffering and discontentment result from the attachment to circumstances and things which are impermanent. "By ridding oneself of these attachments, including attachment to the false notion of self or "I", one can be free of suffering."

word. tap into my Zen self and i shall be healed.

where is my deus ex machina?


pics from last night's "fuck errthing, i'm fuckin' going to fuckin' louisiana/cuba bike ride" yeah, they need to be edited.






T.S. Eliot's The Wasteland comes to mind:



"What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow
Out of this stony rubbish?"

the tank is always half empty in an SUV (esp. mine)

i cannot be a proper pseudo-anti-establishment-treehugger/ecofriendly college student driving an SUV.

i've been calling too many people "daddy" lately. well, 3 people...but that's two too many.

it's really really really not supposed to hurt this much, is it?


raced the sun last night and lost. went on a five hour bike ride. what an adventure!!! (yes, this absolutely deserves exclamation points). saw a pileated woodpecker (a near religious experience, beautiful, beautiful bird), some giant stone cross in front of a sunset/river backdrop (not so religious experience), and all sorts of little suprises - possums, original grafitti, cool people, cute kids, statuesque bridges, bubbling streams, hidden waterfalls....and the list goes on.

at some point i decided that i was just going to follow the Mississippi south, all the way down to Louisiana. and from there? who knows, build a raft and float to...cuba? the caymans? anywhere, really. so i said fuck everything; school, people, my non-life, and just started biking. nobody'd notice i was gone for at least a week, and it's not like i'd miss much in class.

three hours into it, i decided it probably wasn't such a good idea and biked all the way back, with bats (i like bats) as company. yeah, i know it's anticlimactic, but that's the way things are around herrre.

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE

i'm feeling only slightly deranged.

keep those expectations low, wynee.
don't aim so high. there's less of a distance to fall.


too many things i haven't done, too many things i've done and regretted.
i want to learn to fly, along with guitar, tai chi, capoiera, patience and you
i like earthy hands, imperfection, music, intuition, salsa, green grass, ambience,tree branches, the sound of jello splatting, oranges - the fruit and the color, browns and tans,
i like fog over a river

rome is up in flames


last night was my first night of real work. tips were amazing, lotsa moola. was such a crazy night, ran around like a chicken w it's head chopped off for five hours straight. but i enjoyed every minute of it, aside from the moments i felt incompetent. being so busy makes wynee feel very alive. there's nothin better than to be caught up in a storm, a flurry of activity. it stirs my molecules, shakes em up, jogs, jolts, jounces my oscillating.

wynee does NOT make a good docile japanese woman because

1. she is NOT DOCILE. never was, never will or can be.
2. she does NOT like kimonos. they force women to take really small steps so they can't run away. japanese men like their women submissive and obedient. wynee is neither. wynee also likes to take really large steps, being the pseudo-tomboy-anti-establishment-college student that she is.
3. she is too large to be japanese. she towers over all the other waitresses and looks ridiculous in a kimono. said one customer about wynee shadowing another waitress:
"well...that's a large shadow."
wynee: "uh...it's late in the afternoon...the sun's at that angle..." :)
4. wynee is chinese.

pictures of wynee looking silly and abnormally large in a kimono are coming. don't have internet at home cuz two roomies moved out and canceled phone/cable. this'll be interesting.

other than that, i like working at this chinese-owned japanese restaraunt with a mexican chef. even though i now have to pay for sushi and green tea ice cream. granted, i get a discount but still.

what a weekend. shirlee's gone, alone again.
played volleyball for "H2: happiness and health". oh , and friendship. i love old asian people :)
desecrated the house of god. i'm going to hell. but at least i'll go laughing?
sushi, sushi, sushi. eating sushi, taking pictures of sushi, smelling sushi. making sushi is an art i want to learn.
not so sure about the this wynee w/o boy thing. ok, i'm sure about it, just not happy with it. too quiet, too alone much too suddenly.ah well, must keep myself occupied. it'll be ok someday.

"child of the wilderness
born into emptiness
you must learn to be lonely"

weekend shenanigans:

i'm going to hell, but at least i'll go laughing :) talk about blasphemy :)



yuuuuuuummmmy....


*edit* - the long awaited Cap'n Gimp Documentary :). yes, i finally figured it out.

THE CHRONICLES OF CAPTAIN GIMP - EPISODE I
BATTLE WITH THE EVIL HEADLESS BORG

1. innocent bear sits, minding his own business
2. evil headless borg happens upon him and demands his vintage designer tie


3. "No! i shall no give you my vintage designer tie you evil headless borg!"
4. "Then i will have to take it by force, you. mwahahahahaha" *maniacle laughter


5. "hark! who goes there! tis i - the goodly and handsom captain superhero!"
6. "i weild my ultra cool light saber and save the universe without ruining my dazzling good looks!"



6. "you! foul borg! unhand the bear and return his vintage designer necktie, or i shall have to hurt you!"


7. & 8. and so they wrastle. and wrastle. and wrastle.


9. oh no! the evil headless borg has captain superhero and has twisted his knee 180 degrees!


10. "AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"


11. but captain superhero - now captain gimp - overcomes his attacker!


12. "yes! i am victorious! the planet is saved!"

The End

shirlee and i are really cool people, honestly.

hard and fast, baby, that's how I do
fall, that is.
literally and figuratively. unfortunately.
or maybe not so unfortunate? at least it's quick? yes, must tap into that blind optimism i was once so proud of.

another beautiful day. if you must do something bad, do it under the sun. sunlight absolves guilt and all sorts of other negative feelings. or it just laughs at you for taking yourself so seriously.

i've been inspired to be a good person again, for two reasons - random acts of kindness spread cheer; trivial things like people going out of their way to be helpful at the grocery store alwyas have a greater impact than you'd imagine.
also, the other day the roomie told me she liked me. when i asked why, she said "because you're nice". i like being nice :).
it's all about the warm fuzzies!

on an entirely different note, i am single. this'll be interesting. and completely devoid of any warm fuzzies.

my brain has turned into a pile of mush. i have much to do, but i either can't or won't. i always took pride in being able to separate my personal life from everything else, but...some thangs just need to be settled before i can function fully again. too much whirling around in the space between my ears., can't form a coherent thought. but maybe that's the sleep deprivation.

relativity and generality got mixed up
it was all relative but now it's
in general
yin and yang leave no room for middle ground
it's black and white, but hardly anything is black and white
truths and falsehoods, it's always somewhere in between
no longer a dichotomy but a gradient

i would like nothing better right now than to fall into the deep blue sky. maybe it's the spring air, maybe it's the temperature, maybe it's you.

this train has suffered yet another derailment. repairs are necessary, don't know how long it will be until we're on the road again. we apologize for the inconvenience.

the cops came to my house three times last night
first time cops came, took him to psych ward
came back w/a druggie friend he escaped psych ward with
she calls the cops again
they tell him to pack some clothes, whatever he needs for the night cuz he's not coming back w/o a police escort. they take him some distance, give him his car keys, and follow him for a while to make sure he leaves the area
he comes back an hour later, pretty much breaks into the house cuz she had all the doors deadbolted and chained and had brooms and shit stacked against them
she calls cops for the third time
cops tell her there's nothing they can do without a restraining order, so she asks them to give one. they say they can't do it till the next morning. tell her to grow up, learn to deal with it, or leave. what kind of crazy world is this? how is she supposed to "deal with it" if he actually carries out his threats?they took him to the psych ward the first time because they themselves decided he was unstable. how far does a person have to go before the police will take action?
he's got a week to find another apartment.

speaking of crazy world, parking on certain streets is not allowed on tuesday mornings from 2am to 7am. i'm sure there's a reason and it's not completely arbirtrary, but i have yet to find out what it is.

i am the only sane person living in a crazy house. but not for long. (to those of you that question my sanity, you just wait...) i just saw my couch cushion in the parking lot next to my house and that was too much...i just broke down and started laughing, didn't stop for ten minutes. i think i'm calm now. note to self/whoever-i'll probly regret saying all this in the future cuz she's a really nice, sweet person, intelligent also, and i'll be past all this at some point, but it just needs to come out.
the reason one of my couch cushions is in the parking lot (who knows where the others are) and my couch is on my sidewalk is because i have a new roommate. she's sleeping on our couch until the old one leaves, which'll happen in a week. apparently her first night here, she had feminine problems on our couch. the other roomie (male) woke up and found our couch "in the fuckin shower, man"...'nuff said.