Shit happens when you party nekkid.

shit. i've been spending money like i actually have it. agh.

come to some sort of conclusion - i'm tired of not being satisfied with my life, i'm tired of being an ungrateful, whiney little bitch, and i'm tired of comlaining. oh, and i'm tired of caring so much about everything - school, people, things. so i'm going to stop. now.
it's working, really. :)


can't believe it's march already. roar. and if it really is march, it needs to warm up soon. please? ok, fine. i really don't have anything to say. just bored and not wanting to study. oh yeah, i'm not getting into o chem cuz only one person dropped. ONE. ah, well. i'm not nearly as stressed about it as i should be, but that's been happening a lot lately. i just don't care any more. hey! it's working! nothing matters...the only thing i get stressed/annoyed/upset about is my parents now. kinda funny, since my parents do all the worrying/stressing (about school, my gone-to-shit life) for me, and now all i worry/stress about is my parents. haha.

played with a tarantula today, very exciting. i want one now. did you know that they have no defenses against gravity - if they're dropped they literally explode. i probly shouldn't have been told that because now i've got to see it. :)

i'm in the library right now, and there's a bat flying loose. it's one of the most heartwrenchingly beautiful sights i've seen in a while. it's the most frustrating thing to me that people are agitated about it, trying to figure out what to do. they're closing doors, turning off lights, devising all sorts of strategems. i'll tell them what to do, just watch. doesn't anybody else see the beauty? people are just so ridiculous sometimes. it's such an eloquent juxtaposition - this wild bat - a free-form composition in its flight; and the rigid ceiling - ornate with it's carved flowers, painted tiles, elaborate patterns, yet so self-consciously structured.

it's an age-old battle, i suppose.

http://www.therainforestsite.com/cgi-bin/WebObjects/CTDSites
Click to save the endangered rainforests!

"Thank you! Your click has funded the preservation of 11.4 square feet of endangered rainforest. Please click every day and support the sponsors below, who pay for your gift."

so...if i average about two clicks every five seconds, i could click 24 times a minute, which means 1,440 clicks an hour. at 11.4 square feet of rainforst per click, i'm "saving" 16,416 square feet an hour.

HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO CLICK TO SAVE ALL THE ENDANGERED RAINFOREST????! somebody, please tell me, cuz i'd really like to know. REALLY. i mean, in theory, i really could save it ALL if i sat here and clicked all day. but does it really work like that? what actually happens when i click? agh.

really riled up right now. i can't really explain it, i'm just...hungry for...something, intellectual intercourse, i suppose. discourse, recourse, anything. i guess physical intercouse would be nice also. i want to talk, argue, learn, breathe and be. i have this yearning to live, to suck all the life out of this lemon that i've been handed :).
i want to do something meaningful, i want to explode, i want to spontaneously combust.
i want to change the world, i want to smell the flowers in amsterdam, i want to swim in lake victoria in tanzania. i want to explore the mountains in afghanistan, i want to read kierkegaard in iraq, i want to write a novel sitting in bangkok, i want to speak to the street artists in roma, i want to traverse the whole length of the great wall of china, i want to cross the Gobi desert, i want to dig a great big well for the nigerians so they'll never run out of freshwater, i want to rebuild all the houses in sri lanka, i want to run wild, butt-ass nekked in the rainforests of south america. i want to eat chapati in Bombay, dumplings in TianJin, foie gras in Marseille, i want to swim among the fish of the great barrier reef, i want to portage the boundary waters, i want...

too many things.

this morning the headless, bloody carcass of a white bird fell out of the trees onto the ground right in front of my roommate while he was standing next to the house smoking. it was all sorts of bizarre and random and greusome. i guess something in the tree was munching on it...and just dropped it. i freaked him out by telling him all the crazy symbology associated with headless white birds...it was a very entertaining morning. :)

Happy Darwin's birthday! ...it's funny, they've got all this stuff for sale for his birthday - hearts, chocolate, what does that have to do with darwin? maybe he was a loving guy and really like chocolate and roses. :)

afhjkdf: You should totally come back. You're like the silverback of the women. No one starts shit when you're around. I miss you. This place is totally going to shit.

hahaha. i was just compared to a giant male gorilla.


what is going on? why do i choose to live in neighborhoods with all the potheads? reminds me of this summer...everybody's smokin that ooo whee and it's making me feel looopyyy...

"Purpose! Purposes are for animals with a hell of a lot more dignity than the human race! Just hop on that strange torpedo and ride it to wherever it's going."

-Tom Robbins again. :)


Fidgeting: Key to Who is Lean or Obese
I knew it!!! i always knew (or at least thought) my fidgety-ness helped! well...it doesn't help much but...yeah.
so hard to study, keep falling asleep been a the library waaay too long. long past my, uh, "window of productiveness". going to madtown tomorrer. good, cuz i need a change of scenery! think library has contributed to lack of ability to write in complete sentences. i'm suffering from cephalonecrosis! have all these words floating around in my head. think the intense reefer smell also contributing to my cephalonecrosis. somebody's smokin that ooo-wheeeeeee...

i'm not against what's right, i'm not for what's wrong...

that line's been running through my head all day and i can't figure out where i heard it...it's from a song, i know that much.

ugh...what an ugly entry. i always thought i wasn't going to whine about the daily trivialties of my mundane life. ah well, we can't be having epiphanies all the time.

just a lot of ranting -

BULLSHIT. that's what this is. i decided i wanted to drop painting cuz that class takes all the fun out of painting. but the drop deadline was two days ago, and i don't need another "W". fine, whatever, i'd take the "W", but if i drop the class, i won't have enough credits to be a "full time student". bitches. and it'll be hard to add another one because, again, the deadline passed. all this would be fine if i had an advisor to talk to and ask what i can and cannot do. guess where my advisor is? on family leave until april. that'd be fine if the other advisors would talk to me, but they're too damn busy. ROAR. what the hell am i paying for? too make matters worse, i would have enough credits if i could get into o chem, a class i need to take this semester, or i'll have to be here another year (a bunch of classes come sequentially after o chem). i can't get into o chem because the university doesn't have enough money to hire a prof to teach another section, even though we just went through three tuition hikes and a lot of people are on the waitlist for that class.

and my tongue hurts cuz i ate so much candy and seaweed today.