i had an airgasm yesterday.

it's over. i feel liberated, but i'd feel much more so if i was more confident in my performance. oh well. now i can go skydiving.

sheeeyit yo, where'd summer go?

the world's tallest man (according to Guinness) is chinese.

ONE. MORE. WEEK.

i'm getting very good at filling in little ovals. hopefully that won't be the only outcome of all this studying.

frantic techno beats accompany me wherever i go.

it's probably a very good thing that i was born in this century and not, oh, say two thousand years ago. considering i'd probably be born into a hunter-gatherer society, i'd be fucked. i can't see two feet in front of me without my glasses/contacts, which means i can't hunt. i can't even fuckin gather! unless somebody took pity on me, i'd starve to death before puberty. or they'd use me as a human shield/decoy for hunting. either way, i'd be fucked. see? technology can be a good thing.*

though i've got to wonder if technology/lifestyle didn't make me blind. nearsightedness does not run in my family; my brother and i are the only two blind mice in the lou household.


*statement made under the assumption that my existence on this planet is something positive**.
**assuming any one person's existence can be qualitatively labeled "positive" or "negative". it's all relative, no?

ok, so maybe i'm the bitch. shitfuckgodamn.

45.


bitch.

Fun ER Quotes Part 2:

patient states: "my penis is dripping"

"you two bitches come over here and wash my clothes!!!"

"yes or no: because of my back pain i avoid heavy objects around the house."
"No. my wife is 300 lbs."

"pt incredulous that the birth of this nation is celebrated with pyrotechnics, pt yelling repeatedly "i want to go home" but unable to give address"

pt intoxicated and stays in group home, friends brought him in because he was doing "the fish" again

"i got bugs in my urine. i been using pesticide, somebody left something in my house and it had bugs"

"pt states: "i wasn't gonna steal anything, i was just gonna pawn it, it's complicated, then they had this dude kick my ass"

"they're fuckin discriminating against me because i'm skinny! i don't want to be locked up! you can't treat me like this just because i'm skinny! the only way to get seen at a hospital is if you're morbidly obese!!!"

pt sedated and right before procedure yelled "don't steal my organs!!!"

"pt presents w/shoe print on L face, states: "yeah, they did stomp on my head, how'd you know?"

i did a lot of cutting, trimming and blowing today. and i'm not referring to hair. or sex (unfortunately) or drugs, for that matter. nope, just your everyday Festucia arundinacea. or maybe not so everyday; there are a lot of grass species in the world - over 10,000, according to google.

saw a sign outside a church today that said

Don't want to burn?
Use Son block!


turrible. i now have this image in my head of the Almighty as a used-car salesman with a cheeeeeesey grin, long gray beard flowing over a tacky polyester suit flashing a bottle of Son Block (spf ???) in one hand and a thumbs-up sign with the other.



i just realized today exactly why china is going to take over the world (i knew it before, but today it really hit me). my parents hired this man to help finish the basement of the rental property we just bought. he's been in america for three years, is pretty much homeless and doesn't speak a word of english. he doesn't own a car; doesn't own much of anything, really. he sleeps wherever he happens to be working, and since he's always working, he's always got a place to put his head down at night. i admire him. he makes me feel absolutely shitty about myself. like i said, he doesn't do anything but work. i want to live like him. i want to be nomadic, i want to not be a part of society, i want to work to live and live to work.

the word "homeless" would put him in the same category (hate that word) as many of the pple that i see in the ER, but he's homeless by choice. (shit, arguably everybody's homeless by choice, but we won't get into that). reminds me of something my mom says all the time - americans like to enjoy things - they like to have their alcohol, they like to watch their tvs, they like to eat. personally, i don't think there's anything wrong with enjoyment, but that's all they do - enjoy. and in the end, what do you gain? happiness? what are you really enjoying? i spose those are sily questions, errrbody's different.