so thoroughly raped. in the ass. by a giant phallic physics midterm.

here goes...the hour of truth has arrived. fuck.

wish i could say that i feel better now that i've vented, but i don't. so i just wasted fifteen minutes of my studying time and i'm wasting more now. why is it that people feel better after telling others of their suffering? is it because they want sympathy? do they want the world to know just how much they are going through and just how strong they are? i guess complaining is a form of bragging, eh? ok, so now it's quite obvious that i'm procrastinating. that's how i got into this mess in the first place. oh well. half an hour to go. you know what they say about procrastination- "procrastination is like masturbation; it feels great until you realize you're fucking yourself". i'm seeing that quote every where now. living in the moment. that's what i've been doing wrong. but i just complained that nothing matters in the long run, so why the hell not live in the moment and procrastinate? come to think of it, that's been the driving force for my entire life! every action i've taken, every decision i've made came out of a tension from the question. everything.

haha green day lyrics just popped into my head

"do you have the time
to listen to me whine....i'm one of those melodramatic fools...." can't remember the rest.
in the library cramming for my physics midterm. so much damn pressure. did so absolutely terribly horribly bad on the first one that i have to get perfect scores on the next two and the final and the rest of the labs and quizzes and homework for an A to even be a possibilty. fuck. one hour to go....is this what people feel like walking down the green mile? i know it sounds like i'm being overly melodramatic, but....AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH.

in the long run, though...it doesn't really matter, does it? in the grand scheme of things, NOTHING MATTERS!!!!

so i'll just scurry about living my petty life stressing about the petty details thinking petty thoughts wondering what all this is for.

http://members.cox.net/impunity/endofworld.swf

so funny

grrrrr. was walking down the street with dominic last night, passed a couple of black men just hangin out on the corner. one of them looks me over, then looks at dominic, and goes "that yours?" that. so i've been treated like meat before, but jeez. so pissed almost punched him out, but realized prolly wasn't a good idea...

i have a hermit crab named myky (mikey). i think he's dying of loneliness. did you know that hermit crabs are social animals? who decided to name them hermit crabs? dominic bought him as our first pet. kinda scary...implies that there will be more? oy.

a private person fucking a complete stranger...is there a paradox?

i sorta partially stole that from a book i read. and since i can't remember what book, i can't really cite it. how's that for non-plagiarism?

you, with your visions of angels and demons, dreams of wild chaos, shooting stars and muddy slopes, blurry shapes and burning desires, lost souls and turbulent weather, greater purposes and hope and meaning, beauty comparable to diamonds, amorphous figures, omnipotence and hopelessness and finally

darkness.

skipped class on monday to go the zoo. i love the zoo. i remember when my goal in life was to be a zookeeper. then i grew up a bit and stupid things like ideals and principles got in the way. i don't think i could watch those poor animals suffocate in their cages all day. and what would mommy and daddy say if their little girl had no more ambition than to become a zookeeper? same thing that happened with becoming a marine biologist and/or the next jane goodall. and then it was street artistry. for some reason they just couldn't see their daughter painting out on the streets. oh well. i'll just have a lot of hobbies. speaking of street artistry, dominic and i are gonna graffiti-up madison some day....muahaha

don't put me up on that pedestal cuz baby i'll fall right off.