nevermind. i take that back. my roomie asked me to teach him chinese today. this is what he said - "dude, i love the way chinese sounds. it's so cool!" he then proceeded to make all sorts of sounds that he associated with the chinese language - "wang tang clang yang asdlkfje l fkald...garble aldkf," and such. it was disgusting. NOT attractive when people are only interested because it "sounds really cool" or learn the language just to "hook up with the hot asian chicks, dude."

anyway...was really happy this weekend. went to madison. laughed a lot, was happy. wished i hadn't taken it for granted. the happiness, that is...

for some reason, i find non-chinese guys that speak chinese very attractive. it's weird.
maybe it makes them seem more open-minded? not so obsessed with the things most Americans are obsessed with, aware and knowledgeable of other cultures?

first day of class. or rather, class. had painting today...should be interesting. and scary. not sure why i'm taking that class; i mean, i really want to learn how to paint, but blank canvases scare the shit out of me. it sounds silly, but one of my biggest fears is facing a blank canvas and trying to decide what to do with it. there are just too many options, too many colors, shapes, combinations, it's just overwhelming! oi.
it's so refreshing to see colored people on campus. feels pretty damn good coming from white wisconsin....ahhhh.

in the past three days, i think i undid all the dumping-him that i accomplished earlier this week. oops. just dropped him off at the bus stop back to madison. pretty sad and lonely here now, and still in denial about school. need to get books some time soon, preferably before classes start. egh.
had an interesting sort of weekend. found out one of my roomie's is an alcoholic (and got kicked out of the navy for it), has been to rehab, and has had numerous underage drinking/disruptive behavior tickets. makes things interesting...and a bit frightening, but i'm not too worried. just confounded - how can a person be so stupid?

oh christ i did it. can't believe i finally did it. who knew letting go would be so hard? probably the hardest thing i've ever done. so hard, in fact that i haven't done it completely yet... :/ workin on it, though. someday...i'll have let him go completely. maybe.

i like the way my eyelashes stick together after my breath freezes on them and
i like the sound of the ice over the pond cracking (but not when i'm skating on it)
but i'm cold!