i am an e coli.

my parents and i established this last night when arguing about my dependence on them. i told them we had a symbiotic relationship, sort of like the e coli in your intestines. they didn't like that analogy, so they said i could be the e. coli. i guess that makes them the intestines. well i'd rather be a bacterial microorganism anyway.

i hate letting go. hate hate hate. i don't normally ever use that word, but here it comes out. HATE HATE HATE HATE. hate it. hate letting people go, hate letting friends go, things go. because letting go means giving up. and that's something i've been raised not to do. i've always been told that there's always a way. where there's a will, there's a way. when something's broken, you fix it. if you can't fix it, find somebody else to. there's always a way. so what do i do when there's no will and no way, but there's a must? create a will?

feeling very misanthropic right now

another year and it's the same regrets swimming in my head
twelve minutes left and the world's eyes are glued to a gaudy ball
nine minutes left and i'm thinking of the things i should have said
don't ask me why...i'm just a rebel without a clue
seven minutes left and it's just me in this neon-plastic coated world so blue
t minus five and counting, i take the coward's path and run
nothing but the engine's fluid oratorio and a solid wheel in my hand
four minutes till nothing, with nowhere to go
let me drown in this blue grey river of asphalt

just another night in candyland